Diaz's Fuck Fest X
Diaz's Fuck Fest X was the tenth edition of the biggest event in SvR06. It was held on March 23, 2014. The main attractions of the show consisted of World Heavyweight Champion Prankster Skates putting the gold up against 2014 Laugh Like Pee-wee winner Prankster Ben, WWE Champion Brock Lesnar defending the title in a No Holds Barred match against J-Pac, Hogan 80's and "Stone Cold" Steve Austin going toe-to-toe in a Last Man Standing match, and Ricardo Diaz going one-on-one with The Rock. __TOC__ Background When Prankster Ben won the 30-man Laugh Like Pee match, he decided to set his sights on the title that he lost two years ago in the main event of The Fest. When doing so, however, it likely wasn't his intention to be issuing that challenge to his tag team partner Prankster Skates. Skates picked up the victory in the Elimination Chamber to capture the coveted belt, and was elated to have the opportunity to face off against his running mate at the biggest show of the year. However, during a post match press conference, Skates seemed to have a change of heart in regard to the match. He noted that he blamed himself for a year over losing the tag team titles at last year's Fest, but he's finally realized that it was Ben's fault for not getting in the ring in time. After a year that saw Prankster Ben wind up on top more than his partner, Prankster Skates reached his boiling point and claimed that he has always been the Prank-star of the team. In the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest X, the World Heavyweight Championship will be on the line between these two former allies. Will Prankster Ben reclaim championship glory or will Skates prove to be the true Prank-star? Since Brock Lesnar first arrived in SvR06, he has proven to be an unstoppable force and the true power of WPW. His conquest of destruction eventually led him to the WWE Championship, defeating four other opponents at Dr. Meinheimer. Ever since, J-Pac has vowed to once again stare the dragon in the eye and take back the title that he has held more times than any SvR06 competitor. His journey to a rematch was put on hold when he failed to achieve victory in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match, but after entering first and enduring a fateful Elimination Chamber match, J-Pac seized his opportunity to challenge his white whale at the biggest Fest of all time. Walter, attempting to return to his position as commissioner, declared that the match would be contested as No Holds Barred. Acting commissioner, Charles Barkley, was set to overturn this stipulation but J-Pac insisted and claimed that he will do all in his power to submit the Problem Eliminator. With that, Brock Lesnar will place his WWE Championship on the line against J-Pac in a No Holds Barred match at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. Will the Infinity Kid be the one to finally bring an end to the title reign of terror or will he ultimately find himself in the belly of the beast incarnate? "Stone Cold" Steve Austin has been having ass-whooping withdrawals since we last saw him in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. He made it clear that until Commissioner Barkley found him a suitable opponent for Diaz's Fuck Fest X, he was going to raise as much hell and drink as much beer as he pleases. As the days went on, Austin proceeded to stun anyone he crossed paths with. From Tito Puente to Barkley's own mother, nobody was safe. It was when Stone Cold finally hit a Stunner on the commissioner himself that the familiar music of Hogan 80s was heard. However, rather than rescue Barkley, Hogan landed a leg drop on the fallen commissioner. This led to a back-and-forth battle of one-upmanship as the two took turns stunning and leg dropping Sir Charles. Finally, Barkley stopped them by placing them in a match against each other at the biggest Fest of all time. But this wouldn't be just any match. It would be an all-out war to truly prove who is worthy of the title of Mr. Fest: a Last Man Standing match. With Holiday Hogan and Chewbacca in their respective corners, one of these two men has the opportunity to leave with the reputation of being the greatest Fest performer in history. Last year, Ricardo Diaz extended his Fest undefeated streak to 4-0 when he ended the 16-month championship reign of Carlito. This year, Diaz wanted to follow tradition and create yet another memorable Fest moment by taking on the most famous competitor his money could buy. With that, Diaz turned a briefcase of unmarked bills over to The Rock. Despite competing last year, Rocky claimed that his days of trailblazing and eyebrow raising were over and that Dwayne Johnson needed to focus on his movie career. Determined to face the self-proclaimed People's Champion in the biggest match of his career, Diaz kidnapped Rock's former co-star Luis Guzman. Although the two quickly bonded, making this matter personal seemed to rekindle the flame of the Brahma Bull. Dwayne Johnson reverted to The Rock, starting by hitting the Rock Bottom on Woody Allen at an Oscar party. At Diaz's Fuck Fest X, the coke snorting, fastest boat sporting, king of Columbian crime will go one-on-one with The Great One in a match for the ages. Will the undefeated streak be retained for another year or will Hollywood's finest find himself victorious over the best damn Fest performer there ever was? When the Red Head joined the Justice Bros in October, Super Sheik and Hurricane immediately distrusted him. Dynamite Derek, on the other hand, remained faithful that he would be a fine addition to the team. As the months went on, Red Head's fiery temper began to shine through, and rough around the edges slowly became stark raving mad. From essentially costing their team a victory and Derek a title shot at Dr. Meinheimer to intentionally losing the World Tag Team Titles at Fist Fuck Yourself, Red Head has seemed to do nothing but cripple the once unified unit. After the tag title loss, Dynamite Derek finally voiced his displeasure with his newest crimson compadre, starting by telling him that what he did was very rude. It was then that The Red Head finally showed his true colors, revealing that he was the one who took The Hurricane out of the picture before Dr. Meinheimer and that it was his every intention to leave Super Sheik to be beaten to a pulp at the same event. He pointed out to Derek that now, the only unified members of The Justice Bros are Super Sheik and The Hurricane and that he destroyed the team from within just as he'd attempted to all along. Derek questioned why, but was told that his question wouldn't be answered until their match at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. This rocky relationship has finally reached its boiling point, as The Red Head has finally revealed himself to be a slithering saboteur. But what would make this masked man go through all of this effort to destroy SvR06's most beloved tandem? As the man said, all will be revealed at the biggest Fest of them all. Winslow J. Wiley was revealed as the man indirectly responsible for Walter's untimely accident. Upon returning to SvR06, Winslow did his part in attempting to help his nephew find his way back to the top of the heap in his match against Brock Lesnar. Unfortunately, this led to DEFAULT winning the match by count out and not taking the WWE Championship home with him. Uncle Winslow told DEFAULT that he was sick of seeing Walter hold him down and he finally realized that everyone needed to bond together to remove him from power. DEFAULT refused to join this crusade, telling Winslow that he doesn't like his method and that deep down he will always love his father. Winslow regretfully told his beloved nephew that if he wasn't with him, he was against him. The bad doctor would proceed to beat down his horned nephew, attempting to force him to join his cause. However, DEFAULT kept his word and refused to help dispose of Walter. This led to Winslow challenging DEFAULT to a match, telling him that he would see to it that he would never get another opportunity until he enlisted in Winslow's army. The sad state of this once-close uncle and nephew combination may bring a tear to the hardest man, and it can only get worse when they square off at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. At Diaz's Fuck Fest IX, Vigo the Carpathian walked the edge of ethereal plane and competed in his first intense battle with the seemingly-immortal Undertaker. Per stipulation, the defeat of The Deadman allowed the spirit of Vigo to excavate the soul of the beloved Phenom and inhabit his body. Since then, Vigo has gone on an unstoppable winning streak when pitted against the most powerful forces in the universe. Feeling that he'd proven his point by reaching 6-0, Vigo proclaimed that he would now place his focus on becoming the ruler of the world. Just then, an unlikely hero arrived to throw down the challenge at the feet of the morbid magician. "The Mouth of the South" Jimmy Hart. In regard to this challenge, an apparently disoriented and possibly intoxicated Hart had this statement to make. "Ain't no way Vigo can beat me, baby! No Carpathian is a match for the Mouth of the South! Grave danger, they say I'm putting myself in? Can you remember back to last year when I squared off against Andre the Giant at The Fest? Hold on just one second while I laugh at the thought of someone like Vigo being intimidating! My sides, oh my sides! Body Ventura even has my back in this one, and he once thought I was a lizard person! Down with the Vigo Streak and up with the Jimmy Streak, baby!" Seeing it as an easy victory before moving forward with his world domination ambitions, Vigo accepted the challenge and put his undefeated streak on the line against the incomparable Jimmy Hart at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. Will the life be sucked from yet another victim of Vigo or does the megaphone-wielding madman have some tricks up his coat sleeve? Chris Jericho's #BetterThanCanada campaign has seen him garner the following of Mark Jindrak and...well, Mark Jindrak. For months, Y2J has been quick to remind us that he's better than such things as hockey, maple trees, and Rick Moranis. But evidently, Jericho didn't count on having his bluff called by one Bret "Hitman" Hart. Bret told Jericho that he's far from better than Canada. In fact, he's #GoodNotGreat and was the weak link in their former Team Canada stable. A livid Jericho claimed that he would prove to the world that he was better than Canada by making their beloved hero, Bret Hart, tap out on the biggest show of the year. Bret accepted the challenge, but reminded his Fest opponent of what happened to the Walls of Jericho. Bret promised he'd topple his just the same with a wrenching Sharpshooter. After a year away, can Bret Hart finally be the one to silence Y2J or will Chris Jericho squeeze the will from The Hitman and truly prove to be better than Canada? After Commissioner Walter P. Wiley's accident in December, the official rule book was consulted to see what to do in the very specific case of a commissioner falling from a balcony. As it turned out, it stated that in this case, the position would be filled by none other than Charles Barkley. Since taking over, Barkley has made SvR06 a safer and more stable working environment for all employees. The females no longer have to come to work topless and a promotion no longer consists of having to paying the boss' bar tab. When a mysterious pirate ship arrived on the scene a few weeks back, nobody could have expected that Walter P. Wiley was at the wheel. The unruly Wiley demanded his job back now that he was fit to return, but the feeling was unanimous from all within the company that they didn't want Walter returning to his position. Throughout the coming weeks, Walter would attempt to supersede the decisions made by acting-commissioner Barkley, only to have his rulings overturned in favor of Sir Charles. In a fit of rage, Walter would eventually challenge Barkley to a match, where he promised to hurt him to the point that he wouldn't be able to return to work. Barkley declined, claiming that he was hardly an in-ring competitor. But what Walter did next would lead the commissioner to have a change of heart. Walter did everything in his power to ensure that the 5-Buck Box at Taco Bell would be discontinued forever, after claiming that the food had caused his friend Tajiri's skin to turn yellow. After this line had been crossed, Barkley officially accepted Walter's challenge to a match at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. Will the wily Wiley manage to swindle another victory at the biggest show of the year or will CM Dunk see to it that Walter's bones (gordita) crunch. In the weeks leading up to The Fest, many competitors do all in their power to find themselves in a championship match at the biggest show of the year. Unfortunately, not everyone can have that opportunity. However, being placed in a Money in the Bank Battle Royal for a guaranteed title match is arguably the next best thing. In the past year, two of these gladiators managed to capture their first World titles while the others stepped up their games and became top contenders for such prizes. Six men will enter the ring for this over-the-top contest but only one can walk away with the coveted briefcase. Question is, who's going over and who's going over the top rope? JBL and DCR are the most wealthy duo in all of SvR06, and they'll remind you of this sooner than they'll shake your hand. Despite forming their partnership at the seventh edition of the Fest, Common Bonds were outraged that they weren't featured prominently on this year's event. They boldly stated that they climbed the rungs of the corporate ladder and deserve more recognition than a pussy like Josh the Cat. In response to having his name dragged through the litter, the hardcore housepet coughed up a furball into both hats of JBL and DCR. The two planned to retaliate by short selling their yarn and cat treat shares when Jushin Tiger came to the aid of Josh the Cat. Fed up, Common Bonds told the Ferocious Felines that they bet every dollar in their pocket and every possession they own that they could beat the two of them without any trouble. Commissioner Barkley decided to take this bet as literal as possible and made it the stipulation of a match between the two teams at the tenth Fest. Along with this literal translation, the match would be contested as a Corporate Ladder match. Will Common Bonds still be sporting their tailor-made suits and limousines after the match is through or will the Ferocious Felines be the ones cleaning caviar from their whiskers? After nearly three years of fighting alongside Walter P. Wiley as members of WPW, Goldust and Count Out were forcefully removed from group in favor of Tajiri, Brock Lesnar, and Wrestler: Unstoppable. For months, this has lingered on the mind of Goldust. These thoughts were agitated by Tajiri, who constantly pointed out that Goldust was the only member of their unit without any singles success to his name. After weeks of verbal torment, the Midas man appeared in a new, fresh coat of gilded paint. With the goal of taking the Intercontinental Title away from Tajiri, Goldust managed to pick up a decisive victory over Wrestler: Unstoppable to earn his championship bout. As retaliation, Tajiri has managed to temporarily blind Count Out with the Poison Mist and relentlessly locked him in the Tarantula. These two former allies will square off not just in a battle for gold, but for pride at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. Will Goldust achieve the singles success he's had wet dreams of or will Tajiri's sneaky antics be no match for the man with the golden power? After spending the past couple months on the inactive roster, Super Sheik and The Hurricane dethroned their fellow Justice Bros to become the new World Tag Team Champions. During this time, Kane Paul and Coach D have campaigned for their rematch for the belts that they lost at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Outside of the tag team division, "Macho Man" Randy Savage and Rob Van Dam have had two separate run-ins during matches with championship implications. First, when Macho interjected himself into RVD's title match at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Secondly, when the two squared off in the confines of the Elimination Chamber and Savage eliminated Van Dam from the contest. With the apparent split of The Pranksters as well as Dynamite Derek and The Red Head, Commissioner Barkley decided that a new tag team would be randomly assembled and would receive a title shot at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. The members of the roster drew balls from a box, with the two who pulled the black balls becoming a tag team. Macho Man drew the first ball, but he was quickly infuriated when RVD managed to pluck the second one. With that, the World Tag Team Titles will be on the line between reigning champions The Justice Bros, Feel the Burn, and the newly formed Reefer Madness in a Three-Way Hardcore Tornado Tag Team match at the biggest Fest in history. Results Diaz's Fuck Fest reached a milestone, hitting the 10 Fest mark. Commemorating this, the event kicked off with a special pre-show battle royal featuring stars of the past. Triple H, Ric Flair, Tribal Cow, and others stepped attempted to come out on top, but it was Hall of Famer Mike Rotch who stunned everyone with his impressive victory and invisible pogo stick. The expert panel of Dusty Rhodes, Earthquake, and Dude Love was left speechless. Kicking off the Fest-ivities was the Corporate Ladder match, pitting Common Bonds against the Ferocious Felines. While Josh the Cat and Jushin Tiger scratched and clawed to ascend the ladder of success, it wasn't enough to prevent JBL and DCR from recollecting the deed to everything they own. Next up, former WPW member Goldust challenged Tajiri for the Intercontinental Championship. Although Goldust managed to capture the gold, this victory was possibly delayed by his blinded companion Count Out. Tajiri was reportedly furious and spent the rest of the night tearing up his hotel room. In the match-up of #BetterThanCanada and #GoodNotGreat, Chris Jericho faced off against Bret Hart in a battle of words and wits. Bret's father, Stu, was seen sitting in the front row. However, he was quickly accosted by Mark Jindrak, to which he responded by threatening to "stretch his asshole". After nearly getting Y2J disqualified, Jericho gave his tag partner a harsh tongue lashing. Although the two quickly reconciled with a traditional Canadian apology of walking circles around each other, Bret Hart managed to pick up the pinfall victory against fellow submission expert. In a battle royal for the Money in the Bank contract, six men squared off to earn a golden opportunity at a title shot anytime they choose. After a number of Brogue Kicks, Big Show refused to be eliminated. However, a simple toss over the rope sent the big man toppling to the floor. Sheamus scored the win and the contract, but rumors of his immediate firing kept him out of sight and out of mind for the remainder of the evening. As commissioner took on former commissioner, things got hectic quickly when Walter P. Wiley ran in terror after discovering that Charles Barkley was a black gentleman. Once back in the ring, Barkley proceeded to lay a beating on Walter that likely made him regret ever disgracing the name of Five Buck Box. With a Slam Dunk Slam, the commissioner pinned Walter for the three count. After the match, he celebrated with his mother in the front row. It was at this moment that Mama Barkley took the opportunity to introduce him to the man who recently proposed to her. The man who would henceforth refer to him as son: Triple H. After months of torment, The Red Head finally revealed to Dynamite Derek why he infiltrated the ranks of the Justice Bros and tore them apart from within. The Red Head removed his mask to reveal himself as none other than Disco Drew. Revealing that his afro had yet to grow back, Drew proceeded to unleash uninhibited fury on Derek. The battle raged on throughout all corners of the arena until a Sinister Slam put out the fuse on the Dynamite. After seven straight losses and zero victories at The Fest, Drew finally earned himself a mark in the wins column. Dynamite Derek held his head on the way to the back when he bumped into Super Sheik and The Hurricane. His Justice Bros allies assured him that they will continue to be a team and that they forgive him for his mistakes this past year. The Justice Bros put their World Tag Team Titles up for grabs against Feel the Burn and the newly-formed Reefer Madness. Despite not liking each other, and RVD mistaking Kane Paul for a librarian, Macho Man and Van Dam managed to capture the titles and put their differences aside in the name of victory. Vigo the Carpathian confidently entered the battlegrounds to square off against Jimmy Hart. It didn't take long for the undefeated undead to notice that there was something different about the Mouth of the South. He had been possessed by none other than The Undertaker. With a vengeful flurry, capped off with a Last Ride through the Spanish announce table, Taker battered the entity inhabiting his mortal shell. Vigo went undefeated for an entire year, racking up an impressive record of 6-0. But after two consecutive Tombstone Piledrivers, Vigo the Carpathian's streak was laid to rest in peace. After the contest, the two came to an agreement that Vigo would give Taker his body back and Vigo could have Jimmy Hart's in return. After being held down by his father for an entire year, DEFAULT sought to prove that he didn't need to enlist in his uncle's harsh methods of exposing of Walter to be successful. After delivering a Funny Five to Winslow through both announce tables, it looked as though he may be right. But the bad doctor fought back, mounting a comeback that kept DEFAULT down for the three count. Could it be that Winslow was right about his nephew after all? "Mr. Fest" Hogan 80's, with Holiday Hogan in his corner, squared off in an epic Last Man Standing bout against Stone Cold, with Chewbacca in his corner. Chewie consistently held up to his fan-appointed title of "shithouse", at one point even picking up Hogan 80's while the referee was counting him down. After three devastating leg drops, Stone Cold could stand no longer. The Hogans celebrated, sharing their chocolate Easter eggs with everyone in attendance. 4-0. The greatest winning streak in Fest history achieved by the man the event is held in honor of: Ricardo Diaz. Diaz boldly challenged The Rock, wanting to face the best opponent money could buy. But it would seem that Diaz spent more time deciding what to wear than focusing on going one-on-one with the Great One. After hitting each other with everything in their being, the two were counted out. Despite being drained of energy, the fans were guaranteed a winner. Following the world's longest People's Elbow, that winner turned out to be The Rock. Diaz sulked, losing the longest streak on the biggest night to a guy who a few weeks prior had been more interested in making a movie about Hercules than wrestling. 4-1. An imperfection on what was supposed to be his perfect night. J-Pac stared the beast right in the eye and challenged him for the WWE Championship in a No Holds Barred match. After being pummeled by Brock Lesnar in the early going, The Infinity Kid realized that he had to rework his strategy. After a barrage of steel chair and steps shots rocked the Problem Eliminator, J-Pac put him out with a J-Factor to capture his fourth WWE Title. As the celebrate ensued, a familiar Irish tune flooded the arena. Hitting a battle-scarred J-Pac with the patented Brogue Kick, Sheamus became the new WWE Champion. In the main event of the evening, former partners stood toe-to-toe with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line. After an entire year building up to this match, both Pranksters looked to step into the spotlight and reign as champion. The two pranked each other, dawning Baltimore Orioles and Ghostbusters garb for the contest. Despite having a head of steam early on, the arrogance of Prankster Skates continued to get the best of him. Finally, after a devastating flurry of strikes, Prankster Ben covered his former tag partner to capture the World Heavyweight Title once again. While some may not have had the night they were expecting, all left knowing that they had put forth the best effort possible on the biggest stage in SvR06 history. The tenth Fest is in the books, and you can be assured that many competitors are looking to outdo themselves at Diaz's Fuck Fest XI.